I also want you to try this exercise that polyamory educator Leanne Yau (a.k.a. You and your partner can remind each other that you're not trying to hurt each other even if you're seeing people separately, you're working together to build a love life that works best for both of you. Instead of trying to prevent them-which will basically be impossible if you're pursuing non-monogamy-do your best to anticipate them whenever possible and sit in the discomfort until you accept them. Just remember these feelings are natural. You'll probably still feel some degree of jealousy (and/or other uncomfortable emotions) no matter what arrangement you choose. Remember, it can always change as you both begin to feel more accustomed to your open relationship. There are so many ways your non-monogamous relationship can manifest, so lock down what feels the best for you both. Perhaps the two of you can find a partner for a threesome, or head to a swingers party where you can have sex right beside each another. Doing stuff without your partner is often a recipe for jealousy, so don't go balls to the wall by hitting up sex clubs on your own or sleeping over at a date's place every other night.
FAT GAY MEN FUCK HOW TO
Think about how to take baby steps as you open your relationship. I have a few more ideas for ways to make the next steps more approachable. You're already reading and talking about non-monogamy, which is great. Plus, when you're able to have those other affirming experiences, you'll probably end up having an even stronger relationship with your partner. It's a totally common concern for people considering non-monogamy, but I want to remind you that opening your relationship isn't about making a choice between your husband and someone else it's about loving your partner deeply and having other affirming experiences. That's part of why you're so anxious, I think: You love your husband, but you also want to have sex with other people, and you're worried those two things can't exist simultaneously. It’s clear how deeply you love each other. Apart from reading The Ethical Slut and giving ourselves time and space to process, talk, and keep talking, is there anything else we might be able to do to help each other figure out our new normal? Other people must have gone through this, but we feel pretty alone right now. We're early days, and my anxiety's giving me hell. Sex is only one small aspect of our relationship, but it's an important one I also can't compromise on my identity, and I wouldn't want him to compromise on his, either. However, he doesn't want to be pegged by a transmasc anymore than I want to do the pegging as a cis woman, and it feels critical that we find ways to support each other as we navigate these extremely uncharted waters. This is my ride-or-die man, and I'm very much a "sex and emotions are all tied up together" person-so the thought of either of us sleeping with anyone else is a lot. (Ha.) He's no labels but definitely pretty hetero, and I'm apparently queer as fuck.įor the first time, we're considering non-monogamy, and I'm honestly terrified. My husband and I have been married for nearly 20 years, and he has been incredibly supportive, but figuring out the bedroom is hard. Like many folks, quarantine gave me space to process gender identity, and long story short: turns out I'm a nonbinary trans guy. To submit a question for a future column, fill out this form. Ask me anything-literally, anything-and I will gladly Sexplain It. I'm here to answer your most pressing sex questions with thorough, actionable advice that isn't just "communicate with your partner," because you know that already. In doing so, I've learned a thing or two about navigating issues in the bedroom (and a bunch of other places, TBH). Over the years, I've had my fair share of sexual experiences, dating and sleeping with hundreds of people of all genders and orientations. I'm Zachary Zane, a sex writer and ethical manwhore (a fancy way of saying I sleep with a lot of people, and I'm very, very open about it).